One of my worst habits

Is saying "let's work together"! Okay, it's not one of my more annoying habits like constantly singing conversations, or a destructive habit like smoking. But I think it is a bad habit, in a way.

I plan these little projects with people, and we're all excited, and we're going to Make. It. Happen. or Do. Some. Crazy. Shit., and then... well, more often than not, things fizzle out. Life happens. I get busy, or they get busy, or one of us gets a gig, or, or, or... all those things that can derail a project.

And so I am in awe of people who self-promote, self-produce, self-anything, really. Because I have done it in the past, and it's hard. And I'm wondering that if I did it in the past, where did all my motivation go? Which is the real danger for me of planning a project with someone else. Because, really, no one is ever going to be as interested in your career and your creative future as you are. And nor should they be. But I believe that you have to find the right people to connect with, the people who won't fizzle out. I need to (a) put my money where my mouth is, as it were, and (b) follow through, and maybe even (c)find people to work with who are also driven to follow through.

Because it's all very well to have plans... I've always been great at coming up with imaginary futures, and new projects, and plans,plans,plans! It's really the action part I seem to have trouble with.

Scared? You betcha! Trying to outrun my thoughts of "Meh, this probably won't work out anyway"? You know it! But I have to get out of this rut. Out of any rut. And I'm beginning to realize that the only person who can do that is me.

In other news, Day 4 has passed along uneventfully... I refused croissants, biscuits, even fudge cake. (Job #2 has a fully-catered kitchen right by my office, and many many co-workers with delicious treats). I don't even really miss bread that much, which surprised me. Tomorrow is weigh-in day. I'm already amping up not to get discouraged.

Did I mention that one of my other worst habits is a slightly negative attitude towards myself?