Thursday, June 14, 2007

so how's it going?

am i actually giving a shit these days?
well, yes and no.
at my day job, i got a whole bunch of new responsibilites, which is stressing me out to no end. basically, things they said i wouldn't have to deal with during the first year of training (!) are all being piled on my desk right NOW. i've developed a charming little eyelash twitch that i can only attribute to stress. so when i go home, i basically just want to crash and be brainless. not the optimum writing mentality. i do get some stuff done, and i'm knitting my piece for the knitting show (which hopefully we will hear back about soon). but it's been rough going so far. i've decided to try and use my lunch hours to do some writing, not only to make my deadline, but also to make use of when i still have reasonable brain function during the day.
other than that, things are per normal around here. getting settled into the new house, still having to unpack the scores of books. i haven't even unpacked my cookbooks yet, leaving dinners around here to be pretty boring. i'm hoping this weekend to get some of that taken care of. i always work better in an organized environment.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Dear Global Morning News

Just to let you know, although it may be the Dalai Lama's birthday, he has probably heard the "Hello Dalai" joke. also, he is more than "Richard Gere's best friend". But I don't mean in a "more than friends" way, like your mention of Sarah Bernhard's theatrical pursuits.
Keep up the great editorializing of the news,


Monday, June 04, 2007

whining on monday morning

i refuse to become unmotivated, but it is hard not to lapse into laziness. perhaps because it's monday, perhaps it's because i got bitten on the face by a huge mosquito this morning on my way to work. maybe it's just that everything is so hot and muggy and gross here and no thunderstorms are in sight.
i know i've written about this before, but every so often, i get tired of the whole social-friendy-friend game. realizing that i have a lingering insecurity from a childhood of nerdiness and outcastation, i find myself wondering how many friends i really have.
not that it's a numbers thing or anything. and i don't know if it's unique to the theatre community. but it seems more than other social groupings to have a huge element of clique-ness about it. i know, quelle surprise. or maybe everyone else is best friends with each other but me. could that be it?
i mean, it's not even about how many friends i have. because i have some great friends, a small circle, and that's how i like it. but every so often i think to myself "i really need to be more social", and i try reaching out to people, and am met sometimes with politeness, often with vagueness or nothing at all.
is it wrong, since i'm trying to not care what people think of me, to wonder if people think of me at all? is this just ego-driven spiral into madness?
i mean, i know a fair number of people. i think most of them like me. but i don't think most of them know (or are terribly interested) in what's going on in my life. they wouldn't help me move. or come trim my christmas tree. or visit me in the hospital. or come to me for help in any way.or any number of activities that constitute friendship.
i shouldn't focus on the unfulfilling superficialities. like i said, i have great friends. but i was kind of hoping social games like that would end with high school. now i see it was just a kind of training ground for the rest of life.

Friday, June 01, 2007

the official kickoff!

yes, here i am, really and truly giving a shit about things. i kicked off the year last night by at the very last moment deciding to finish writing and actually submit the dramatic monologue i was piddling with for the alberta anthology competition for cbc. perhaps it will mean an additional $500 and a radio credit, but for now it means i finished something to deadline and sent it to someone to read.
today's project involves some work on my headshot and resume, and sending it off to some people for their files. not exactly stressful, but a good start.
this month's projects include:

*finishing act one of my play for the reading at the end of the month
*doing a synopsis and 15 page script excerpt for the Petro-Can Stage One Series
*going back to the gym
*eating more fruit and vegetables
*trying to grow out my nails
*submitting resume and scripts to folks

and, as always, writing makes it to the top of the list of things i have to do this month. although it really should be things i WILL do this month.

i am so jealous. my sister went to portland for her honeymoon and they got to go to Voodoo Doughnuts.
so jealous!