whining on monday morning

i refuse to become unmotivated, but it is hard not to lapse into laziness. perhaps because it's monday, perhaps it's because i got bitten on the face by a huge mosquito this morning on my way to work. maybe it's just that everything is so hot and muggy and gross here and no thunderstorms are in sight.
i know i've written about this before, but every so often, i get tired of the whole social-friendy-friend game. realizing that i have a lingering insecurity from a childhood of nerdiness and outcastation, i find myself wondering how many friends i really have.
not that it's a numbers thing or anything. and i don't know if it's unique to the theatre community. but it seems more than other social groupings to have a huge element of clique-ness about it. i know, quelle surprise. or maybe everyone else is best friends with each other but me. could that be it?
i mean, it's not even about how many friends i have. because i have some great friends, a small circle, and that's how i like it. but every so often i think to myself "i really need to be more social", and i try reaching out to people, and am met sometimes with politeness, often with vagueness or nothing at all.
is it wrong, since i'm trying to not care what people think of me, to wonder if people think of me at all? is this just ego-driven spiral into madness?
i mean, i know a fair number of people. i think most of them like me. but i don't think most of them know (or are terribly interested) in what's going on in my life. they wouldn't help me move. or come trim my christmas tree. or visit me in the hospital. or come to me for help in any way.or any number of activities that constitute friendship.
i shouldn't focus on the unfulfilling superficialities. like i said, i have great friends. but i was kind of hoping social games like that would end with high school. now i see it was just a kind of training ground for the rest of life.