Thursday, December 29, 2011

Some more things to work on in the new year...

30 Things To Stop Doing To Yourself

I thought this was just terrific... I know there's more than a couple of things on that list that I need to work on in 2012.

Happy happy and merry merry, friends and neighbours!

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

The Year In Review and The Year Ahead...

Hello, friends and neighbours! I hope you all had a spectacular holiday weekend, however you celebrate. I had a great Christmas, in fact I didn't leave my house from Saturday morning to this morning, which was perfectly cozy. I got some great loot and didn't indulge TOO much, although I find it challenging to get back to healthier habits... especially with all this chocolate and wine lying around! And getting back to the gym today after some time off for an injury... eep!

I am so happy to have this week off, although I know it will go by too quickly and I'll be back at my day job before I know it. I am one of those annoying people who really enjoy making resolutions (it's a side effect of loving lists), and I always love the idea of the new year--so full of potential and possibilities. Thought I'd do a quick year in review and list some of the things I'm looking forward to doing this coming year...

In 2011: I lost 30 lbs, really started becoming comfortable with my writing voice and process, auditioned more, shot some commercials and industrials, saw a lot of great theatre, joined a gym, found a fabulous voice teacher, sang in front of other humans, quit smoking, developed a plan for us to take care of our debt and finances, rediscovered my love of knitting, traveled (Ontario still counts!), made some delicious food, wrote some plays, submitted, submitted, submitted.

in 2012 I'm planning to:

1) Losing the next 30 lbs.
2) Write a solo play
3) Knit more
4) Sing more
5) Audition more
6) Defy my fear of failure/insecurities and take more risks
7) Sew more.
8) Donate blood
9) Improve my French
10) Have more fun with personal style/improve my wardrobe/find more glamour in everyday life
11) Finish reading the Time Magazine Top 100 novels
12) Get my work out there, that is submit, submit, submit!

I'm looking forward to 2012 being a creative, fulfilling year for me--and hopefully I'll be blogging about it on a regular basis.

What are some of your resolutions?

Friday, December 23, 2011

The Gift of Grant

Oh you guys, today was a great day of hanging out at home, not talking to anyone and listening to Christmas music. I also decided to tackle cleaning behind the fridge, where many half-full containers of cat treats have fallen, and discovered about 20,000 bug carcasses. So gross. Seriously, it was like a Hoarders moment or something. Please don't think less of me, even though I'm sure you all clean behind your fridges every weekend as part of your regular chore rotation.

I actually meant to clean between the dishwasher and the fridge (we have one of those roll-out dishwashers that we only use as extra counter space), and then my perfectionist tendencies took over. I also did many loads of laundry of random clothes that have been sitting around for a while, which led me to realize that I must do a closet purge very soon.

But I digress--I had some good news today. Some great news, actually--the grant we had applied for to do a workshop of my show came through! We get some money to pay actors and a designer and a director, and ME to do some rewrites.


So, two workshops to look forward to in the new year. Of two different plays.
Take that Christmas rejection!

Monday, December 19, 2011

Countdown to Christmas

Hello again, friends and neighbours! Today I am feeling old and decrepit and sore, due to performing the Holiday Bathroom Cleanse. While this may sound like the latest diet trend, I assure you, it involves nothing more than heavily scrubbing all bathroom tiles in a futile attempt to get them Clean Enough for in-law inspection. It's discouraging, because our house is older and wasn't terribly well cared for by previous tenants. Hence, my quest to make our (strangely pink) bathroom Hotel Clean is an exercise in futility. Yesterday we tackled the living room and the bathroom; today we may deal with the kitchen, including such highlights as Annual Fridge Cleaning (sob), and Moving The Stove To Clean While Guessing Whether We Will Be Surprised By A Mouse, Either Living Or Dead.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS! Am I right? Fortunately, this will leave only the back room (aka Hoarder Room, Room of Shame)to tidy, although the fact that it has a door invites procrastination, and the mud room, which really, people only pass through on their way into our house, so perhaps a quick tidy is all that's in order there.

It looks like my planned dinner may be falling through, so I may have to cook something rather than relying on store-bought loaf. J has helpfully suggested I have veggie chicken fingers, which somehow doesn't seem suitably fancy. And my shopping is done, (with the exception of the 4,351 forgotten items I will surely need to get on Christmas Eve), cards are mailed, tree is up.

Which gives me time to sulk about the latest rejection email received yesterday. It's Christmas, people! Why not reject me during that dark, disappointing time between Christmas and New Year's and let it strengthen my resolve to make 2012 MY GREATEST YEAR. Instead of pooping in my stocking?

And yes, I am thinking of resolutions and changes and all that stuff that New Year's tends to bring out. I can't help it. I love lists.

Tuesday, December 06, 2011

Really making it happen

I had a rather long conversation with myself last night--long story short, I had a realization that my craving for validation from other people is what sends me down ye olde insecurity spiral. And the funny thing is, I don't need EVERYONE to validate me. Just certain people. People who for one reason or another I have deemed it is IMPORTANT to think that I am good, that I am talented, that I am hireable, that I am... well, you get the picture. One of those things that makes me spend all my time worrying and wishing rather than doing.

Well, after long conversation with self, I felt sufficiently annoyed with myself for continually giving away power to people who don't even care, and some of whom I don't even like, that I am determined to stop doing that.

Seriously, how many times can I say that? The only way to do things is... to do them. Big revelation, I know. Accept that by doing I could also be failing, and be cool with that, and put myself out there and just... do it.

I have to stop wondering if I am any good, wondering what people think of me. I keep listing to myself all the times I was validated: getting cast, getting callbacks, getting good feedback, and trying to ignore the immediate "Oh, but that's only because..." that pops up in my head.

How do you get rid of that Ohbut, anyway? He's getting pretty freaking annoying.

Is this another case of "fake it till you make it?"