Wednesday, October 19, 2005

in other news for all you obsessive blogreaders...

did someone say deadbeats?

looks like allthingsbrad is back up and running. from la belle province.

so apparently i'm losing higher brain function...

since my email post went absolutely nowhere. disappeared. into the ether. perhaps i've just randomly posted on someone else's blog.

anyhoo, i just saw some clips on the news about the ratification meeting held today. i myself will be the lucky recipient of an absentee ballot, seeing as how this temp has asked for just a little too much time off as of late. and wouldn't you know it, VFC is down, i can't even get the dish.

i did see a certain mr.david d. on the fringes of the pushy-pushy that they showed on the news. as well as a scab known only as "sally", who i must confess i wonder if she is the same sally who was quoted in the paper as "i thank god every day for telus".

i've never met anyone named sally in real life.

otherwise, i was watching tv tonight and saw that prison break is coming back... and badder than ever! you know, i was thinking... actually, in case no one watches this shit but me...

so there's this Hot Sensitive-Looking Guy. you know, the kind of HSLG who wouldn't last 10 minutes on an actual prison show like Oz. but his brother's in trouble, see. he's in trouble because he's on death row for assasinating--- THE VICE PRESIDENT's BROTHER! naturally, such a high-profile crime (because we can all name and care deeply for Cheney's extended family, right?) gets him an expedited trial, and apparently the appeals that normally hold death row cases up for 14 years or so just don't exist. oh, and he's got some kind of troubled kid who's on his way to becoming a young hood. and, uh, there's this girl (that really terrible chick from The Craft? not the buggy-eyed one, the really bad actor one) who's becoming obsessed with his case because they used to go out or something.
anyway. back to HSLG. he's managed to get himself thrown in jail, coincidentally the same jail his doomed brother is housed in. but, fortunately, he's managed to get a series of intricate tattoos all over his body. tattoos of nemonic devices! and... a map that just could facilitate a PRISON BREAK.
so for reasons i can no longer remember, HSLG pretends to be diabetic so he can spend time in the doctor's office, as well as with the innocent young lady doctor who just can't resist a bad boy. pretending to be diabetic requires a vast manipulation of not only hormones and sugar levels, but also the whole prison gang system. as well as helping the warden build a popsicle stick scale replica of the Taj Mahal.
wait, what's this show about?
right. the PRISON BREAK.
so HSLG is using the map on his body to tunnel his way through the sewers, over to death row, back to the doctor's office, and out to freedom. for some reason, none of this gets started until about 5 days before his brother is supposed to be executed. actually, it's kind of a lame, lame version of 24. but in heaven. because there, a thousand years are like a day. except when you're watching this show, it's the other way around.
so, in the first episode, he pretty much breaks out of prison. (oh, right, SPOILER ALERT!) but of course there are the usual complications with the mafia, white supremacist gangs, shemales, and so forth. not to mention that the warden is about to TRANSFER HIM TO ANOTHER PRISON.
which brings me to my original point.
i thought it would be cool if he did get transferred to another prison. then the rest of the season would be him breaking out of his new prison, then breaking into his old prison, and breaking out again, saving his brother forever.
that way, we'd all get our money's worth! 3 PRISON BREAKS for the price of one!


Saturday, October 08, 2005

well it's that time again...

tomorrow is date day. and i have a brand new haircut and brand new skanky stick-on nails all ready to go!

but, considering the current "unpleasantness" at my company, and considering j is an unemployed actor, i think we need to come up with some cheapo date ideas... even cheaper than last week's bowling extravangza...

here are some many excellent ideas for those of you looking for cheap dates... activities, that is:

* a smell adventure!
that's right, go on a smell adventure. you see dogs do it all the time... just follow your nose down a busy urban street, and create astonishing mental pictures of what might have happened. how did these smells get here? who created them? who else will smell them later today? don't be afraid to get your nose right up into some of those interesting stains.

* attend an AA meeting
where else can you go for (free) coffee, meet some exciting folks, and see the ultimate reality show? sit near the back.

* DIY poetry slam
just start spouting off whatever comes into your head. see if your partner can top it. it's poetry! preferable to do it whilst walking down a busy urban street, perhaps having a rest from your smell adventure

* extreme shoplifting challenge
who says crime doesn't pay? an exciting couples activity, you can challenge each other to steal bigger, pricier, shinier items, all using your FREE five-finger discount! see who can walk out of the store with the most stuff. see who can make the most repeat visits to a single store. handicap each other by sewing pockets shut. a great holiday season activity!

feel free to add your own!


is spamming the new intimacy?

lately i've been really impressed by the folks reaching out to me on my blog-- offering me helpful links to their own blogs about viagra and home financing, and student loans and the like.
but i want more. i need to connect more with my fellow bloggers.

how can i do this?

first of all, i have this massive student loan to pay off. my student loan isn't just a regular student loan, it's a massive student loan. it even prevents me from getting a mortgage, otherwise known as home financing. i know that a mortgage or home financing is just like a student loan, in terms of the massive debt. i can't wait till i pay it off, then i can get all the viagra, xanax and celexa that i need! maybe i can even pay for some poor man's penis enlargement! that way he can be ready and rockhard extra inches at a moment's notice!

that should get the spambots cooking...


Saturday, October 01, 2005

clearly, i am the worst blogger ever

well, maybe not ever. but i can't believe how long it's been. and do i have news?

well, no.

but tonight i was treated to a delightful sci-fi romp on ye olde pay tv. maybe you've heard of it? it's called: ALIEN VS PREDATOR.

holy hell this was the biggest piece of shit. ever.

now, granted, i have only seen bits of various Alien movies, and have never seen Predator. so i may not have been this film's target audience.

but from what i can gather, Alien (a serpentine parasite) and Predator (uh... a Klingonesque race of hunter-dudes who were royally ripped off in that Matrix sequel. the one with the inexcusably long highway chase) are eons-old enemies. Predator has been hunting Alien for sport, and (oh yes i am serious) were using the ancient civilization of Aztecambodigypticans whose temple is located...

wait for it...


but the temple has been dormant for many years. until a group of international and attractive (well, except for Lance Henriksen) archeologists are lured to the frozen continent by some sort of.. heat signal? Dopplar radar signal?

whatever. anyhoo, they all go down into the hole and they all get slimed/exploded-stomached/spine removed, etc.

except for our heroine, some sort of environmental technician/ice-climbing chick who Predator accepts as one of his own, and they fight together for the future of the earth.

oh. i guess i should have put a spoiler alert here somewhere.

anyway, there's a really unintentionally hilarious shot of chickie and Predator leaping together to avoid... THE FIREBALL THAT THREATENS TO CONSUME THEM!

as far as the whole AVP thing, well, they just don't ever really fight. but the ending does leave it wide open for a sequel.