well, maybe not ever. but i can't believe how long it's been. and do i have news?
well, no.
but tonight i was treated to a delightful sci-fi romp on ye olde pay tv. maybe you've heard of it? it's called: ALIEN VS PREDATOR.
holy hell this was the biggest piece of shit. ever.
now, granted, i have only seen bits of various Alien movies, and have never seen Predator. so i may not have been this film's target audience.
but from what i can gather, Alien (a serpentine parasite) and Predator (uh... a Klingonesque race of hunter-dudes who were royally ripped off in that Matrix sequel. the one with the inexcusably long highway chase) are eons-old enemies. Predator has been hunting Alien for sport, and (oh yes i am serious) were using the ancient civilization of Aztecambodigypticans whose temple is located...
wait for it...
DEEP BENEATH THE FROZEN TUNDRA OF ANTARCTICA.
but the temple has been dormant for many years. until a group of international and attractive (well, except for Lance Henriksen) archeologists are lured to the frozen continent by some sort of.. heat signal? Dopplar radar signal?
whatever. anyhoo, they all go down into the hole and they all get slimed/exploded-stomached/spine removed, etc.
except for our heroine, some sort of environmental technician/ice-climbing chick who Predator accepts as one of his own, and they fight together for the future of the earth.
oh. i guess i should have put a spoiler alert here somewhere.
anyway, there's a really unintentionally hilarious shot of chickie and Predator leaping together to avoid... THE FIREBALL THAT THREATENS TO CONSUME THEM!
as far as the whole AVP thing, well, they just don't ever really fight. but the ending does leave it wide open for a sequel.
u/v
1 comment:
Aw, I was first-posted by a spam-bot.
Anyway, among the cognoscenti Alien (the first one) is considered a classic in the "submarine" movie genre. You know, where a group of people are trapped by circumstance in a sub/house/space ship while an outside forces the plot along.
It's reasonably well directed by Ridley Scott. The art direction inspired by Geiger is pretty creepy. The movies pretty much go downhill from there, and it is pretty much agreed that AVP is not really part of the original franchise, and totally sucks.
Actually, this franchise is an example why producers can kill good ideas. I think all of the first four films had the same exec producers, who entertained some pretty silly ideas for the movies.
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