Friday, May 26, 2006

i ask you

what could possibly improve spending your ENTIRE saturday doing data entry and payroll reconciliation? is there anything? well, last saturday as i was doing just that, having been called into work for overtime, it was made known to me that mine is the only computer in our section that can play CD's. the only one, in fact, with a cd drive. so my colleague in the next cubicle asked me if it would be ok if she put on some music. to which i thought "yes, that will make the time go by faster". and so she went down the hall to borrow some tunes from her friend.
now, i should have been suspicious at this point, since i clearly remember hearing bryan adam's greatest hits blaring from down the hall the previous weekend. so when d returned with a cd, i put pressed play with the best of intentions.
it was maroon 5.
now i'm as bad as anyone else, i used to bop along to "This Love" when it first came out, but have you ever listened to an entire album of that shit? his voice. his cheesy lyrics. lyrics that appeal to high-school girls, giving them a bizarre ideal of what a relationship is supposed to be like. this is where we get our fucked-up relationships, ladies. it's in the music.
so i did my best to endure it, hey, if there's anything better than doing math on a saturday, it clearly must be doing math while listening to this strung out hoot owl, right?
then d got up to get another cd. she said "hey, are you a jimmy fan?"
now, i ask you. if you were talking about music, who would you think was being referenced here? Jimmy Page? Jimmy Buffet? possibly. personally, i thought she was talking about Jimi Hendrix. of who i am not really a fan, but i was grasping at straws. so i said "sure". cautiously.
i pressed play.
it was fucking James Blunt.
now, to be honest, i actually thought that james blunt and the guy from maroon 5 were the EXACT SAME PERSON. they both have fucked up singing styles, they both write the most pretentious songs ever. they both have one radio hit from a most enshittening album.
but they're not. they are two different people. the main difference is that james blunt seems to make a lot of references to being high. in like every single song.
so d in the next cubicle (who was grooving along to my hell very happily) called out: "Hey did you know that James Blunt's girlfriend dumped him right before his album hit it big?"
"Really." I said. I mean, imagine leaving your whining emo pretentious druggie boyfriend. "What a tool."
Next week i'm bringing in the music.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

another hit show

well, now that Commander In Chief has gotten the axe, there's room in the primetime lineup for another show. and why not cash in on the inexplicably continuing reality show craze?
I feel that "Easy Listening Idol" would be a hit. not only would geriatric folks like myself get to play, but we could showcase all the terrific adult contemporary music that's out there. not to mention those smooth easy listening chart-toppers from the past.
but who would be the judges?
it could be that i watched American Idol last night and got thoroughly depressed that they were singing songs from the year they were born. and one girl sang a song from 1988.
WTF? people were BORN in 1988? I was in grade 8!
of course, apparently the year i was born has been declared as one of the worst years in music history. i guess 1974 wasn't a particularly stellar year. all i can think of from that year is "Don't Go Breaking My Heart", which doesn't bode well.

in other news, i have but 4 hours left of indentured servitude to my job. 4 hours tonight, 4 hours tomorrow. and then i am done.

have you got another bit with some hair...?

after much cursing and gnashing of teeth, we finally finished our first attempt at completing a puzzle together:

unfortunately, the only puzzle we have in the house is a gift i bought J. at the antique market:

yes, the official Penthouse erotic jigsaw puzzle. surprisingly, with all the pieces included, as we found out. now i'm not sure if this is meant to be a fun couple's activity, or a titillating way for one to while away the hours in solitary fashion. i just know that every piece is flesh coloured. and with the packaging cleverly censored, there is no guide for assembly.
it was epic. J used his sexth sense to piece together all the naughty bits, i could only manage borders and drapery.
i'm not sure we're a puzzle couple.
but now that it's done, what do we do with it? that's what i've never understood about puzzles. you slave over these things for hours, and then you find yourself saying "oh! it's hot air balloons!". except that you've been staring at the photo of hot air balloons on the puzzle box for the past 3 hours. so some of the big reveal is a bit spoiled in that respect.
J has suggested that we mount it (no pun intended), but i'm really not sure where we would put it.