Thursday, June 30, 2011

Long Weekend!

After what seemed like the longest work day of my life, the weekend is here. I don't have to be back at work until 1pm Tuesday! I'm torn between making a list of ways to organize my time and just saying fuck it and chilling all weekend.

I suspect it'll be a combination of the two.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

It are my birthday...

It's true. Sadly, I have to spend part of it working, which is always a pain, especially on a Saturday. Then, because we are terribly broke, we are going to Dairy Queen and possibly having drunken karaoke in the safety of our living room.

Is that sad? I've never been one to make a huge deal of birthdays, largely because I live with the fear of no one showing up to my party. I actually kind of wish I'd made a bigger deal of it this year, but instead I'm just going to chill and have my yearly Blizzard. And buy a lottery ticket, as per tradition. And if the postal strike is ever over, I'll get some birthday money in the mail (yes, even at my decrepit old age, I still get birthday cheques from my parents) and treat myself to something fun.

Happy my birthday, everyone!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011


Hello, friends.
It's the first day of summer! And our basement is flooded. Well, today it's actually only mildly flooded, yesterday was the real action. It'd been raining here since Thursday, which is pretty unusual for my prairie town, and combined with an old house... rubber boots time! We spent yesterday taking turns doing the shopvac/sweeping water down the drain routine.


And then the saga of the "film director" continued. Have I not mentioned him? He's some young fella who wants to make movies. He's apparently making a movie, and had asked me to be in it this summer. Now, this isn't my first experience with this guy-- way back last fall he'd asked me to be in an independent he wanted to shoot over the winter, which fell through for some reason. And I've never worked with him, but according to one of my friends, he's very nice and organized and talented.

So when he offered me a one-scene neat little featured role in his independent? Sure! No money, but experience, a credit for my resume, and a chance to practice on-camera.

Easy, right?

Er... no. He'd asked me to send him a picture of me in wardrobe, and I'd emailed him to say that because of the play reading, would it be okay to get that to him this weekend? And then he replied no, and he was worried that my play reading would leave me unable to focus on his movie, and he only liked to hire actors without any other projects on the go, because he didn't want their creative focus split. And he wasn't sure that my schedule was going to work anyway, and maybe he should look at other actors, and he'd let me know.


OK, (a) it's one scene. One day of shooting. I'm pretty sure I can maintain focus with my tiny actor's brain. (b) Do you really mean you want people who don't have anything creative on the go at all? Yikes! And (c) You're not paying me. So this kind of lessens your ability to dictate how I spend the rest of my time.

So I emailed him back and said actually my play reading was already done, and yes, I did have a job, but I was available for the dates we'd probably be shooting, but if he wanted to recast, then best of luck.

Then I get an email back saying "Oh my god, this is working out great, I can't wait to work with you, I'm so glad your play reading is done, blah blah blah!"


Now, my scene would likely be shot on a Sunday, because that's when we had access to the location. He'd mentioned that he wanted my character to be sort of background in some other scenes if possible, and that he'd let me know when they were shooting those. So yesterday I realized I wasn't available one Saturday in July, due to a work thing. So I emailed him to say, oh, this one Saturday I wouldn't be available until later in the day.


I get an email back saying "Oh, that won't work, we can only shoot in the location on Sunday, so best of luck and maybe another project will come up in the future."


Time to walk away on this one. Good luck with the movie, have a great summer, goodbye. I'm going to split my creative focus by doing some rewrites and maybe starting a new play this summer.

Well, time to bail out the basement again!
Happy first day of summer!

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Free Time!

Yes, after doing a quick shoot for an industrial this morning, I am completely stunned to realize that I have FREE TIME! I have nothing to do for the rest of the weekend, except do groceries and bill paying, and I think that can be safely put off until tomorrow. It's sort of a shame that it's been pouring rain here for two days, but it's probably for the best, since it will prevent me from going shopping and spending money I don't have.

So, the reading-- went really well! It was kind of a long week, there were three nights of play readings, two plays each night. The way it worked out, there was one short-ish (say 80-90 minutes) play each night, and one EXTREMELY LONG play each night. I'm talking 2, 2 and a half hours here, people! Mine was the first play of the last night. Rehearsal was fun, we had a lot of laughs, and I was relieved to hear that the complete overhaul I'd done worked. Not perfect, but I think I am back on the right track with this one.

I've been informed by the playwright unit facilitators that I have done so well, that I'm almost done the play-- now I graduate from doing major rewrites into detailed editing work.

The reading was well-received, and I was pleased to receive a surprise paycheque from the theatre in question, which has given a bit of a boost to my withering bank account.

And with that and my little video done... I have nothing to do. Sure, I have rewrites and fixes to do on the script, but that can wait. I even got a great deal on airfare to my brother's wedding yesterday. And had a breakthrough with my new voice coach yesterday.

So what to do, what to do? New sewing project? New play? Binge on terrible television? Mystery Science Theatre marathon?

I would cook something indulgent, but the oven's still broken.

I think I'm just going to spend the weekend lounging around drinking tea and being lazy.

That sounds like a plan.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

This week

This is the busiest week I've had in a long time:
Monday: work 930-530, attend play readings 6-11pm
Tuesday: work 930-530, attend play readings 6-11pm
Wednesday: attend rehearsal 10-5, play reading (my play) 6-8, attend play reading 830-11
Thursday: work 10-530, meeting friends for drinks
Friday: voice coaching 11-12, work 130-830
Saturday: shooting for industrial video 12-3

I'm feeling a bit better about my play, after talking to the director and a couple of other people about it. I suppose I can recognize that I don't exactly have perspective on the project, and that I will obviously feel sort of distanced and strange about the work, since it's changed radically from the original concept. And of course that I might be projecting some of my own issues into imagining things that are wrong with the play.

I've also been getting work/possible gigs thrown at me-- upcoming this week a quick shoot for an industrial video (4 pages of dialogue), and a couple of scenes in an independent film shooting here this summer. Plus it seems like I may be writing a play with the person directing my reading, and obvs there will be a role in it for me. And I still think about somehow, someday, doing a cabaret.

I think I'm going to join the Y, once this crazy week is done. I'm finally down another pound, but it's wayyyy too slow, especially considering how well I eat. I think I may need to tone up some muscles to get my metabolism going a bit. I do feel like part of the reason I don't work that much is because of my weight. And I think I need to once and for all treat getting in better physical shape like it's my job. Because it's only going to benefit me health wise, career wise, and happiness wise. And no, I don't think that all life's problems are solved by getting thin. But I do think I'll be in a better position to move forward feeling good about myself.

Wish me luck and energy this week!

Tuesday, June 07, 2011


So after much pathetic whining and gnashing of teeth last night, I am feeling slightly better today. Except for my tendency to burst into tears at the slightest provocation, which I suspect may be hormonal rather than related to actual events.
For example:
Seeing a baby bird (well, teenage bird) hanging out with its mom, learning to be a bird-- instant waterworks.

At my voice coaching, saying "I have a lot of tension" and being reassured-- Niagara falls.

Thought of coming in to work and sitting here well into the evening-- well, no crying there, just feelings of ugh and bleah.

Though I am still feeling just a little bit defeated. I need to figure out some things I can work on and people I can work with who are encouraging and supportive and who do the kind of work I want to do. I figure I won't quit just yet-- if it means this much to me that I get so worked up to it, perhaps I do belong here. I just need to shift perspective a little bit.

Or something to that effect.

Monday, June 06, 2011

Ouch. (Whining ahead).

Today has been kind of a disappointing day. I mean, it was kind of a bleah day with some annoying things (work computer getting fried by a virus I have no idea how I got, but can't help but feel guilty about, since it was, after all, my computer), but tonight it became truly disappointing.

Ye olde big time auditions? I was joking with my audition buddy about expecting a fuck-you email, when I suddenly realized I was going to get one. Because my friend (who I am very happy for) said "Oh... I actually got a callback last Friday." And of course, I didn't get a callback, which is more disappointing than I thought it would be, like ridiculously, disproportionately disappointing, the big sloppy tears welling up kind of disappointing. Not really because of this specifically, more that I get really, really tired of feeling like this.

Like what? I don't really know-- I guess kind of left out. Like-- okay, there's this girl in the theatre community, well, sort of adjacent to the theatre community, who fancies herself to be a brilliant performer. Only... well, she's not. She's rather dreadful. But she has the confidence of an internationally recognized genius, like one of those people in American Idol auditions who are so awful, but can't believe they're getting negative feedback. But I feel like I'm her or something. Going around saying "hey, if you need an actor...", and of course no one will ever need an actor that badly. And I just feel like everyone must think I'm some kind of idiot to be going around deluding myself like that, and people must be thinking "When will she just give up?" Because it's been increasingly rare that I get asked to do things, I get tired of putting myself out there again and again. I'm tired of feeling like an outsider here.

To top it off, not looking forward to ye olde play reading next week either. For a variety of reasons I won't get into here.

I know, this is disappointment-adjacent craziness. By tomorrow I'm sure I'll have a plan to "show em all with a great show!" or something. But tonight this sucks. Seriously.

I wish I was not a grown-up who needs money and could call in sick to work tomorrow and just wallow. Instead I have about 4 separate places to be at, including work and a voice coaching.

So is this the time on sprockets when we suck it up?