Tuesday, December 06, 2011

Really making it happen

I had a rather long conversation with myself last night--long story short, I had a realization that my craving for validation from other people is what sends me down ye olde insecurity spiral. And the funny thing is, I don't need EVERYONE to validate me. Just certain people. People who for one reason or another I have deemed it is IMPORTANT to think that I am good, that I am talented, that I am hireable, that I am... well, you get the picture. One of those things that makes me spend all my time worrying and wishing rather than doing.

Well, after long conversation with self, I felt sufficiently annoyed with myself for continually giving away power to people who don't even care, and some of whom I don't even like, that I am determined to stop doing that.

Seriously, how many times can I say that? The only way to do things is... to do them. Big revelation, I know. Accept that by doing I could also be failing, and be cool with that, and put myself out there and just... do it.

I have to stop wondering if I am any good, wondering what people think of me. I keep listing to myself all the times I was validated: getting cast, getting callbacks, getting good feedback, and trying to ignore the immediate "Oh, but that's only because..." that pops up in my head.

How do you get rid of that Ohbut, anyway? He's getting pretty freaking annoying.

Is this another case of "fake it till you make it?"

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