group discourse and the denigration of art

interesting what happens when you get a bunch of artists in one room.something in their instincts kick in. i don't know if it's the inherent insecurity of those in the arts, something that makes us want to appear better or less scared than we are to others in our field. i don't know what it is. but as soon as you have a lot of artists together, this real bitterness seems to form and hang in the air.
i try not to be bitter. i make a conscious effort. i believe that specific brand of bitterness comes from a sense of entitlement, like "i deserve to be produced" or "dammit, why won't anyone publish me?" or "person X has 8 productions and numerous awards, why the fuck are they so hard done by?"
that's the crux of it to me. everyone has this sense of entitlement, like they should be recognized just by virtue of putting stuff out there. i wish everyone's work could be recognized, i really do. but it's not like someone's holding a gun to my head, or holding my cat hostage and forcing me to pursue an artistic career. i can walk away any time i want. i can get a real job and have a real savings account, and try to forget that i ever wanted to do this. sometimes i wonder if it would make me happier.
i doubt it would. i stay in this because i want to. i want to do something, and that has nothing to do with being published, or getting awards, or even getting scads of money for my work. money is great, though. i really love money, don't get me wrong. but i don't think i have any right to get angry about others not recognizing what i am choosing to do. i mean, i'm not curing cancer here. i write. i act. i do some other stuff.
i'm sure everyone else gets just as scared as i do. like "what if this really sucks?" or "what if this person really is better than me?" everyone else has just as much insecurity. but i don't want to dwell on it, let it consume me. i want to use that to work harder, to try something different. to be brave enough to believe in what i'm doing, no matter what anyone else thinks.
is that lame? probably.
but it's true, too.