to anyone out there who actually reads this page and is disappointed/devastated/irritated/angered/enabled by the lack of posting as of late. my mysterious injury seems to have largely disappeared, meaning i can once again spend hours sitting at the computer, looking up "information" on the net.
speaking of which, for those of you who don't read cnn.com, check this out:
www.queryletters.blogspot.com
ok, for whatever reason i can't get the old "link" button to work, and i'm too lazy to look up html for how to do it. yes, i'm a dork. but it won't kill ya to cut and paste.
this weekend i am forcing myself to write. the deadline for a competition is on tuesday, i must be done this weekend.
also, a certain organization i sit on the board of is having its agm in a couple of weeks... in the newsletter they send out to the members, i noted that i am not listed on the slate for the upcoming year. yes, i had to step down from my current position, but i had thought i was going to take on another position. massive typographical error, or are MORE SINISTER FORCES AT WORK?
u/v
Friday, February 25, 2005
Thursday, February 03, 2005
a word to the wise
no matter what you do, no matter how you may let yourself go, never, EVER have one of the following happen to you:
1) never get a horribly crippling bladder infection
and
2) never rupture a disc in your spine
medical science cannot satisfactorily define which of these conditions have befallen me, but suffice it to say that this is my first day not flat on my back in agonizing pain since last tuesday. i did, however, get to take a ride in an ambulance with a paramedic who decided to try his little standup routine out on me. it was almost worth the morphine i received at my destination.
fortunately, i have been able to spend over 1 full week trapped on the living room futon watching television. and i have several observations to make. as i'm off to work, i'll just comment on the good folks at american idol.
this year, instead of just letting bad people sing a few lines and get cut off, the bad people are getting to sing entire songs. all the bad people. whole songs. so we can all have time to think up a few juicy comments before we watch simon and randy blatantly laugh in these peoples' faces.
not only that, but i have noted that overweight men don't seem to get the weight comments that even mildly chubby (or just the non size-0) girls get. i mean, should simon cowell be telling 16 year old girls that they are "fat" on television? and come to think of it, since randy had his much-publicized weight-loss surgery and paula had her even more publicized eating disorder, shouldn't one or both of them be standing up about this issue?
hey, i'm in the biz myself, i know that appearance is an issue. but i think that either everyone should get the fat comments, or no one should. why is it cool for reuben to be big, but kelly clarkson has to skinnify herself?
anyhoo, off to work for another fulfilling 4-hour shift.
u/v
1) never get a horribly crippling bladder infection
and
2) never rupture a disc in your spine
medical science cannot satisfactorily define which of these conditions have befallen me, but suffice it to say that this is my first day not flat on my back in agonizing pain since last tuesday. i did, however, get to take a ride in an ambulance with a paramedic who decided to try his little standup routine out on me. it was almost worth the morphine i received at my destination.
fortunately, i have been able to spend over 1 full week trapped on the living room futon watching television. and i have several observations to make. as i'm off to work, i'll just comment on the good folks at american idol.
this year, instead of just letting bad people sing a few lines and get cut off, the bad people are getting to sing entire songs. all the bad people. whole songs. so we can all have time to think up a few juicy comments before we watch simon and randy blatantly laugh in these peoples' faces.
not only that, but i have noted that overweight men don't seem to get the weight comments that even mildly chubby (or just the non size-0) girls get. i mean, should simon cowell be telling 16 year old girls that they are "fat" on television? and come to think of it, since randy had his much-publicized weight-loss surgery and paula had her even more publicized eating disorder, shouldn't one or both of them be standing up about this issue?
hey, i'm in the biz myself, i know that appearance is an issue. but i think that either everyone should get the fat comments, or no one should. why is it cool for reuben to be big, but kelly clarkson has to skinnify herself?
anyhoo, off to work for another fulfilling 4-hour shift.
u/v
Saturday, January 15, 2005
a new hero for our times
i remember in university, a girl i went to school with had a schtick, you know, how we all have our bits that we do, but hers was this hapless superhero called "MASTER OF THE OBVIOUS!!!" mostly he'd just kind of stride purposely into a room and state something... well... obvious.
the reason this comes to mind is that i was involved in making a short (read: 1 minute long) film this morning, which will theoretically be on Zed TV on CBC, for any Canadian viewers. and the director said something about people being able to view it on their cell phones/pda's. very hi-tech, very hip and happening with the youth culture, our CBC.
in any case, apart from lending my apartment for the interior locations (note: if anyone asks you to lend them your apartment for a film shoot, never do it. they will rearrange your furniture, traumatize your cat, and discover all sorts of embarrassing things like your boyfriend's multitude of candy wrappers, old christmas paper and the like when they move the couch.), i played the role of an innocent bystander who is inadvertently killed by a crumpled-up piece of paper thrown off a highrise balcony by a frustrated scriptwriter. this neccessarily involved numerous takes of me getting beaned with a paper ball, and hurling myself, unconscious, to the concrete.
for anyone unfamiliar with northern alberta, particularly this week's weather in northern alberta, today's temperatures reached a balmy high of -28C without the windchill. and so there we were, camera, boom, reflective silver disc-thingy, standing in the snow out front of my building, taking turns knocking me down with wadded up paper.
buses were slowing down. traffic was honking. oh, yeah. check out the big movie stars-- maybe they're filming a BRICK COMMERCIAL! there was a guy in yellow who would NOT GO AWAY. he kept asking questions. i think he even asked if we were making a porn. yeah, a really AWESOME FREAKING PORN MOVIE. it's called Polar Necrophiliacs 3:Flesh for Fantasy-- the action's just starting when i hit the ground!
so for one particular shot, the other actor had to run past my motionless body. this meant that i had to lie down on the (cold cold) sidewalk. no problem. it was actually fun. but we had to keep waiting while the general public walked by. so there i am, lying there, eyes closed, and this woman walks by. i just see her fur-covered boots, i have no idea what she looks like. but she says in this CLASSIC falsetto voice "must be cold!".
Must be cold.
cold?
MASTER OF THE OBVIOUS!!!
u/v
the reason this comes to mind is that i was involved in making a short (read: 1 minute long) film this morning, which will theoretically be on Zed TV on CBC, for any Canadian viewers. and the director said something about people being able to view it on their cell phones/pda's. very hi-tech, very hip and happening with the youth culture, our CBC.
in any case, apart from lending my apartment for the interior locations (note: if anyone asks you to lend them your apartment for a film shoot, never do it. they will rearrange your furniture, traumatize your cat, and discover all sorts of embarrassing things like your boyfriend's multitude of candy wrappers, old christmas paper and the like when they move the couch.), i played the role of an innocent bystander who is inadvertently killed by a crumpled-up piece of paper thrown off a highrise balcony by a frustrated scriptwriter. this neccessarily involved numerous takes of me getting beaned with a paper ball, and hurling myself, unconscious, to the concrete.
for anyone unfamiliar with northern alberta, particularly this week's weather in northern alberta, today's temperatures reached a balmy high of -28C without the windchill. and so there we were, camera, boom, reflective silver disc-thingy, standing in the snow out front of my building, taking turns knocking me down with wadded up paper.
buses were slowing down. traffic was honking. oh, yeah. check out the big movie stars-- maybe they're filming a BRICK COMMERCIAL! there was a guy in yellow who would NOT GO AWAY. he kept asking questions. i think he even asked if we were making a porn. yeah, a really AWESOME FREAKING PORN MOVIE. it's called Polar Necrophiliacs 3:Flesh for Fantasy-- the action's just starting when i hit the ground!
so for one particular shot, the other actor had to run past my motionless body. this meant that i had to lie down on the (cold cold) sidewalk. no problem. it was actually fun. but we had to keep waiting while the general public walked by. so there i am, lying there, eyes closed, and this woman walks by. i just see her fur-covered boots, i have no idea what she looks like. but she says in this CLASSIC falsetto voice "must be cold!".
Must be cold.
cold?
MASTER OF THE OBVIOUS!!!
u/v
Thursday, January 06, 2005
Thank you, Royal Bank.
you can read more here, but i'll quote the relevant bits. this is the advice that my financial institution directs me to when i ask them for guidance in paying back my massive student loans:
"Let's take a look at different approaches to paying back your student loan with the following examples:
Danielle and Gordon just graduated in the same class with a degree in engineering. They've both found jobs in their field with about the same salaries - just over $40,000. Each of them has approximately $16,000 in student loans, but they're managing their loan repayments in totally different ways.
Danielle plans to pay off the entire loan in four years, which means hefty monthly payments of $400. To fit these payments in her budget, she'll be living with a roommate in a small apartment and hold off any big purchases, like a car."
hmmm that seems plenty realistic to me. oh, except for the fact that if my entry-level job paid JUST OVER $40,000 a YEAR, i probably wouldn't be asking my bank for $%#&^* suggestions!!!
in the real world, the world where i've been paying the royal bank an amount equivalent to my rent each month for 4 years, their little online pamphlet might read something like this:
"uberviolet just graduated with a degree in theatre. since there are no jobs to be had in her industry, her first job out of school pays $8/hour, and she photocopies papers and takes abuse from screaming lawyers all day. uberviolet has approximately $30,000 in student loans, and the royal bank has suggested that she should investigate time travel and go back to 1994 and apply to engineering schools. in order to manage the non-negotiable $360 a month payments she must make for the next 9 years, uberviolet has decided to give up the following: brand name food, main courses not containing the name Ramen, new clothes, non-roommate living situations, any hope of having a credit card, a car, or owning property. grateful for her education, uberviolet accepts the crushing monthly payments, and the disdain of the Royal Bank Student Loan Centre customer service reps who suggest that she either take out a bank loan to pay her student loan, or sharply remind her that it is illegal for those with government student loans to declare bankruptcy. because obviously, someone who pays regularly for years and calls in to try to negotiate something less crushing must obviously be thinking of making a break for the sweet, sweet, credit-mashing 7 year relief of total bankruptcy."
Royal Bank, i salute you. i am confident that your net income for the year ended Oct. 31, 2004 of $2,839 million is going towards maintaining the level of customer service i have come to expect after years of dealing with you. after reading your 4th quarter revenues, i can understand that it must be vitally important to the Royal Bank machine for me to pay $331 a month and not the manageable $300 i requested.
thank you, Royal Bank, for making me realize what it truly is to be a part of something greater than myself.
thank you.
u/v
"Let's take a look at different approaches to paying back your student loan with the following examples:
Danielle and Gordon just graduated in the same class with a degree in engineering. They've both found jobs in their field with about the same salaries - just over $40,000. Each of them has approximately $16,000 in student loans, but they're managing their loan repayments in totally different ways.
Danielle plans to pay off the entire loan in four years, which means hefty monthly payments of $400. To fit these payments in her budget, she'll be living with a roommate in a small apartment and hold off any big purchases, like a car."
hmmm that seems plenty realistic to me. oh, except for the fact that if my entry-level job paid JUST OVER $40,000 a YEAR, i probably wouldn't be asking my bank for $%#&^* suggestions!!!
in the real world, the world where i've been paying the royal bank an amount equivalent to my rent each month for 4 years, their little online pamphlet might read something like this:
"uberviolet just graduated with a degree in theatre. since there are no jobs to be had in her industry, her first job out of school pays $8/hour, and she photocopies papers and takes abuse from screaming lawyers all day. uberviolet has approximately $30,000 in student loans, and the royal bank has suggested that she should investigate time travel and go back to 1994 and apply to engineering schools. in order to manage the non-negotiable $360 a month payments she must make for the next 9 years, uberviolet has decided to give up the following: brand name food, main courses not containing the name Ramen, new clothes, non-roommate living situations, any hope of having a credit card, a car, or owning property. grateful for her education, uberviolet accepts the crushing monthly payments, and the disdain of the Royal Bank Student Loan Centre customer service reps who suggest that she either take out a bank loan to pay her student loan, or sharply remind her that it is illegal for those with government student loans to declare bankruptcy. because obviously, someone who pays regularly for years and calls in to try to negotiate something less crushing must obviously be thinking of making a break for the sweet, sweet, credit-mashing 7 year relief of total bankruptcy."
Royal Bank, i salute you. i am confident that your net income for the year ended Oct. 31, 2004 of $2,839 million is going towards maintaining the level of customer service i have come to expect after years of dealing with you. after reading your 4th quarter revenues, i can understand that it must be vitally important to the Royal Bank machine for me to pay $331 a month and not the manageable $300 i requested.
thank you, Royal Bank, for making me realize what it truly is to be a part of something greater than myself.
thank you.
u/v
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
where else?
i've just learned that in addition to their newly acquired sea lion exhibit, that west edmonton mall plans to add an indoor zoo to their roster of the flabby, the oversized, the incredibly poor taste attractions.
have they learned anything? nothing from Howard and his poor deceased dolphin friends? i mean, sure, we can probably convince ourselves that at some level, perhaps dolphins enjoy performing for our whims, enjoy having pennies pitched into their tank, enjoy watching the submarines and drowned drunkards float by in the lagoon. but sea lions? a zoo? what's next? monkey personal shoppers? the smell alone will be enough to drive shoppers to phase 8 or whatever phase they're at now.
so before they install the grand funk of indoor animal cruelty, perhaps they could consider the countless other attractions which could be added to the mall which wouldn't involve imprisoning our jungle friends...
1) wax museum
2) a decent mini-putt course, with working windmills. and chomping monkey heads!
3) turn the entire ghost-town section into a TRON-inspired laser-tag
4) a... ahem... gentlemen's club
5) human daredevils
6) lego town. or duplo town. whatever.
7) put some money into your amusement park, already!
8) clean up the numerous and skanky food courts.
9) rehab centre for all the burnouts who spend the day munching at the mall. see (8).
10)hunting ground for the most dangerous game... man.
11) one word: rollerball.
12) skate park
13) mechanical bull riding, 24-7.
14) freak show
15) world's largest contained indoor tire fire
16) robot wars
and the list goes on. the point is, that if you want to draw people to your mall, you should probably consider something NEW, and something that won't draw protest. or, if you must have animals, why not have the world's largest indoor ant farm? perhaps we could purchase some genetically modified ants who could crawl through habitrail tunnels, serving their queen for our amusement.
ants whose genetically modified exoskeletons would be impermeable to pennies tossed by yahoos whose definition of wit is, well.. tossing pennies at things.
u/v
have they learned anything? nothing from Howard and his poor deceased dolphin friends? i mean, sure, we can probably convince ourselves that at some level, perhaps dolphins enjoy performing for our whims, enjoy having pennies pitched into their tank, enjoy watching the submarines and drowned drunkards float by in the lagoon. but sea lions? a zoo? what's next? monkey personal shoppers? the smell alone will be enough to drive shoppers to phase 8 or whatever phase they're at now.
so before they install the grand funk of indoor animal cruelty, perhaps they could consider the countless other attractions which could be added to the mall which wouldn't involve imprisoning our jungle friends...
1) wax museum
2) a decent mini-putt course, with working windmills. and chomping monkey heads!
3) turn the entire ghost-town section into a TRON-inspired laser-tag
4) a... ahem... gentlemen's club
5) human daredevils
6) lego town. or duplo town. whatever.
7) put some money into your amusement park, already!
8) clean up the numerous and skanky food courts.
9) rehab centre for all the burnouts who spend the day munching at the mall. see (8).
10)hunting ground for the most dangerous game... man.
11) one word: rollerball.
12) skate park
13) mechanical bull riding, 24-7.
14) freak show
15) world's largest contained indoor tire fire
16) robot wars
and the list goes on. the point is, that if you want to draw people to your mall, you should probably consider something NEW, and something that won't draw protest. or, if you must have animals, why not have the world's largest indoor ant farm? perhaps we could purchase some genetically modified ants who could crawl through habitrail tunnels, serving their queen for our amusement.
ants whose genetically modified exoskeletons would be impermeable to pennies tossed by yahoos whose definition of wit is, well.. tossing pennies at things.
u/v
Monday, December 06, 2004
when you're on a holiday...
well, it's official: the new "Holiday Spiced Pepsi" makes an excellent keyboard cleaner! i discovered this after Smudge knocked over J's glass of said beverage all over the computer. much panic ensued, but my keyboard has never been cleaner, or shinier. seriously, i think this is the stuff that the Dudes At Dell use in the factory.
no ill effects so far, in any case: none of the more popular Wheel Of Fortune letters are sticking, but the true test will be when we get into the more exotic letters that are hardly ever used.
the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog's back.
nope, everything's coming up holiday spiced pepsi!
genius!
i've been looking for a blog i was reading with no success. it was hilarious. the last entry was a tragically true tale of a friend's b/f accidentally killing a pet hedgehog while in a drug-induced haze, and then the hedgehog's owner having to cremate the poor sucker on a hibachi or something. possibly while also in a drug-induced haze. seriously. but then i got distracted when she linked to the peterpan guy's page and i accidentally closed the window. so since then, i 've been wandering through pages of people's poetry, people's elegies to relationships, political manifestoes, cool skins, annoying trance music, and statements of purpose.
i have no statement of purpose.
unless, of course, you want to contact Pepsi and tell them how wicked their product is at cleaning keyboards. they could probably use the confidence boost, judging by the lack of self-esteem demonstrated on pepsi.com.
i went to the website to do just that, and was treated to a conversation with Lisa, the Pepsi World help center virtual representative. basically, you just type in your questions, and she answers them. obviously, Pepsi isn't just for cleaning your keyboards anymore: it's on the cutting edge of AI technologies. here's an excerpt of our interview:
u/v: how is it that your product is so awesome at cleaning my keyboard?
lisa: it is pretty neat, all right.
u/v: no, seriously, who came up with the idea?
lisa: oh yes... way!
u/v: what the hell are you talking about?
lisa: Oh, I'm sorry if my response did not meet your needs. Please narrow the subject down by rephrasing your question so that I can be of better help this time.
u/v: no problem, lisa... so what are you doing later?
lisa: I'm sorry, my schedule is booked 24/7. Besides, I'm a computer program, silly.
u/v: pretty darn clever, you little minx. give me free pepsi!
lisa: oh. ok.
u/v: not too bright, eh?
lisa: My name is Lisa and I'm a computer program designed to simulate a human customer service representative. People ask me tons of questions and I do my best to answer them. Oh, and the only place you will ever see me is on this site because I just love this place!
u/v: oh. ok.
and so you see, that's pretty much what our interview was like. i guess i'm not much of an investigative journalist. maybe next post i should do a hard-hitting story on askjeeves.com. dish the dirt and all that.
u/v
no ill effects so far, in any case: none of the more popular Wheel Of Fortune letters are sticking, but the true test will be when we get into the more exotic letters that are hardly ever used.
the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog's back.
nope, everything's coming up holiday spiced pepsi!
genius!
i've been looking for a blog i was reading with no success. it was hilarious. the last entry was a tragically true tale of a friend's b/f accidentally killing a pet hedgehog while in a drug-induced haze, and then the hedgehog's owner having to cremate the poor sucker on a hibachi or something. possibly while also in a drug-induced haze. seriously. but then i got distracted when she linked to the peterpan guy's page and i accidentally closed the window. so since then, i 've been wandering through pages of people's poetry, people's elegies to relationships, political manifestoes, cool skins, annoying trance music, and statements of purpose.
i have no statement of purpose.
unless, of course, you want to contact Pepsi and tell them how wicked their product is at cleaning keyboards. they could probably use the confidence boost, judging by the lack of self-esteem demonstrated on pepsi.com.
i went to the website to do just that, and was treated to a conversation with Lisa, the Pepsi World help center virtual representative. basically, you just type in your questions, and she answers them. obviously, Pepsi isn't just for cleaning your keyboards anymore: it's on the cutting edge of AI technologies. here's an excerpt of our interview:
u/v: how is it that your product is so awesome at cleaning my keyboard?
lisa: it is pretty neat, all right.
u/v: no, seriously, who came up with the idea?
lisa: oh yes... way!
u/v: what the hell are you talking about?
lisa: Oh, I'm sorry if my response did not meet your needs. Please narrow the subject down by rephrasing your question so that I can be of better help this time.
u/v: no problem, lisa... so what are you doing later?
lisa: I'm sorry, my schedule is booked 24/7. Besides, I'm a computer program, silly.
u/v: pretty darn clever, you little minx. give me free pepsi!
lisa: oh. ok.
u/v: not too bright, eh?
lisa: My name is Lisa and I'm a computer program designed to simulate a human customer service representative. People ask me tons of questions and I do my best to answer them. Oh, and the only place you will ever see me is on this site because I just love this place!
u/v: oh. ok.
and so you see, that's pretty much what our interview was like. i guess i'm not much of an investigative journalist. maybe next post i should do a hard-hitting story on askjeeves.com. dish the dirt and all that.
u/v
Sunday, December 05, 2004
we salute you, ABC
"mommy, our new house smells like back bacon!"
"i can't get into my room, it's full of labatt 50 bottles. and they're STUBBIES!"
these might have been the wails of the Imbriani family, were it not for the quick thinking of the cast and crew of ABC's Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Yes, it seems that they had ordered some sort of prefab house from a CANADIAN company, and the CANADIAN contractor was not aware that the CANADIAN (read:inferior) building codes were not the same as the american building codes. the preproduction scene where the crew and producers themselves reviewed said building codes with the contractor must have been cut for time. in the words of Sears-brand hottie Ty Pennington "the Canadian has said Au Revoir"-- after the contractor delivered his stuff as promised and left. fortunately this was an opportunity for great drama, as Ty and the gang called in a no-nonsense crew of chest-thumping American contractors, who made no bones about mentioning every few minutes how terrible the CANADIAN work was. in fact, it seems like anytime ANYTHING went wrong it was the CANADIAN'S FAULT. don't worry, it all turned out in the end for the family, and the house looked great, and the designers all cried, as usual, and everyone seems to feel pretty satisfied with themselves. however, i couldn't help but notice that a couple of weeks ago, when there was an entire WORK CREW that just didn't SHOW UP for work, no matter that the poor family of conjoined twins and quadruple amputees wouldn't have their walk-in sauna, no one seemed to mention that they were americans, or greeks, or mexicans, or italians, or whatever. actually, no one even referred to them as "those jerks who didn't show up".
so, congratulations, ABC, for taking your feel-good hit and using it to take oh-so-clever jibes at your neighbors to the north. especially when they were trying to help out. i bet old walt would be proud.
incidentally, if you want to contact abc and talk about canada, or ty's abs, or anything else that strikes your fancy, you can do so at: netaudr@abc.com .
u/v
Saturday, November 27, 2004
now the seats are all empty...
well, not quite yet. many of the seats are full. we have our best house of the night, on this, our last night, so i'm actually feeling a little bit nervous about going on. even though i have a ridiculously tiny part. however.
working again for 9 days straight before my next break. no matter how hard i try, i never get over how petty, spiteful, childish, and downright rude people can be, especially to complete strangers. and i mean, i think i have some pretty excellent empathy skills happening here. but seriously, some of these folks just wear me down. particularly the people who continue to argue with you even AFTER you've apoligized, fixed the problem, explained how you've fixed the problem, and advised them of what kind of results they can expect to see. like they call in to scream "listen to me!!!" and they're screaming so loud they can't hear you say "i hear you!" but some people are just never happy, i guess.
i am very hungry. how am i to use that in my performance tonight?
u/v
working again for 9 days straight before my next break. no matter how hard i try, i never get over how petty, spiteful, childish, and downright rude people can be, especially to complete strangers. and i mean, i think i have some pretty excellent empathy skills happening here. but seriously, some of these folks just wear me down. particularly the people who continue to argue with you even AFTER you've apoligized, fixed the problem, explained how you've fixed the problem, and advised them of what kind of results they can expect to see. like they call in to scream "listen to me!!!" and they're screaming so loud they can't hear you say "i hear you!" but some people are just never happy, i guess.
i am very hungry. how am i to use that in my performance tonight?
u/v
Thursday, November 25, 2004
a day of rest
well, back at the show. today we have 5. 3 have paid, 2 are comps. today was to have been a day off, but we ended up going to the hospital super early in the morning, because J hurt his wrist during the show last night, and we were worried that it might be broken. it wasn't, and when we went home to watch the dog show and chill out on the couch, i thought a lovely treat might be to have some candy, specifically some swedish berries. so J is making some silly noises at Smudge, when suddenly there is a crunching sound. now we all know that swedish berries don't make that sound. what makes that sound? a tooth falling apart. yes, the filling is still there, but the tooth that surrounded it has just crumbled away. fortunately for him it's not visible when he smiles or talks, but it's pretty upsetting and likely to be upsetting, just the same.
so, today, i didn't get much accomplished. i don't think my next day off is for another 8 days. sigh. but that's life, i suppose.
hey, creepy guy lurking around outside the theatre...
cool.
u/v
so, today, i didn't get much accomplished. i don't think my next day off is for another 8 days. sigh. but that's life, i suppose.
hey, creepy guy lurking around outside the theatre...
cool.
u/v
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
love's labours...
i'm sitting at the moment backstage at the show, waiting for the first two plays to come to their blissful conclusion. we are in a tiny theatre in a questionable neighborhood that no one, particularly audiences, seems to be able to find. we have a house of three people. the only reason we're doing the show tonight is that two of said audience members got lost on their way here last night and showed up about halfway through the night. they were prepaids. we need their $12 a head.
it has been said that on nights like this, you do this for the art. i have about 14 1/2 lines and exist solely to move furniture about. still, i suppose this is as good a time as any to find the art in this, too. after all, there must be art in everything, somewhere.
an hour or more before we begin the show i'm in.
a whole hour.
eep.
u/v
it has been said that on nights like this, you do this for the art. i have about 14 1/2 lines and exist solely to move furniture about. still, i suppose this is as good a time as any to find the art in this, too. after all, there must be art in everything, somewhere.
an hour or more before we begin the show i'm in.
a whole hour.
eep.
u/v
if i could turn back time...
it's one of those overcast, likely to snow days here, and i'm in a retrospective mood. but instead of reviewing my greatest hits, i seem to be looking at the b-reel. while looking for an old friend from university online (impossible, all my friends have hopelessly common wasp-ish names), i was searching back through their postgraduate alma maters, and tracking the progress of their careers since we last met. oh, what a mistake!
i don't know if it's because this is my first day off in 8 days, or if it's some kind of chemical in the water, or what, but the green eye of envy has settled itself on me. as i dip my toe in the turtle pool of regret and lost dreams. whatever.
WHINE ALERT:
the most imaginative thing that i've done recently is speculate with J about whether or not the "private name" that's been calling at 8am this week is the student loan people wanting to know when i'm planning on paying them. speaking of which, haven't they ever heard of voice mail? if it is them, that is. well, it probably is. but for the several thousand dollars of interest i'm paying them, i think they could probably take the 5 seconds to leave a voice mail so i can call them back. dinks.
i digress. i'm sure my friends aren't having any easier a time of it than i am. from what i recall, unless they've all undergone massive personality restructuring through alien abduction, they were just as insecure about this stuff as i am.
maybe it's because i'm living in a province where the recent election was a big frigging JOKE and my vote, while for a winning socialist candidate, felt somewhat pointless nonetheless.
or maybe i'm just grumpy today.
i'm going to go drink some ginger ale.
you go here. it'll cheer you up.
u/v
ps- smudge (the kitten) is here. he is sort of a jerk! but he is very cute all the same.
i don't know if it's because this is my first day off in 8 days, or if it's some kind of chemical in the water, or what, but the green eye of envy has settled itself on me. as i dip my toe in the turtle pool of regret and lost dreams. whatever.
WHINE ALERT:
the most imaginative thing that i've done recently is speculate with J about whether or not the "private name" that's been calling at 8am this week is the student loan people wanting to know when i'm planning on paying them. speaking of which, haven't they ever heard of voice mail? if it is them, that is. well, it probably is. but for the several thousand dollars of interest i'm paying them, i think they could probably take the 5 seconds to leave a voice mail so i can call them back. dinks.
i digress. i'm sure my friends aren't having any easier a time of it than i am. from what i recall, unless they've all undergone massive personality restructuring through alien abduction, they were just as insecure about this stuff as i am.
maybe it's because i'm living in a province where the recent election was a big frigging JOKE and my vote, while for a winning socialist candidate, felt somewhat pointless nonetheless.
or maybe i'm just grumpy today.
i'm going to go drink some ginger ale.
you go here. it'll cheer you up.
u/v
ps- smudge (the kitten) is here. he is sort of a jerk! but he is very cute all the same.
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
the buckeye state?
can't someone just win this thing? i've been watching like, 7 straight hours of election coverage, and i think the honeymoon's over. and of course, they're still projecting every possible combination of states for kerry to somehow conceivably win this thing.
sigh.
2 things i don't understand:
1) the absentee ballots: do they start counting them before election day? if they don't, couldn't they? i mean, if they can keep things like the oscar winners secret, surely security for the absentee ballots really shouldn't be that much of a problem.
2) people complain about bush. they complain about the war he led them into. they think he's doing a crap job with the economy, with the war on the concept of terror, with whatever you choose to name. and yet, i look at the electoral map and i see so much red. i don't get it.
on the recipe front, i finally got up the courage to buy some nutritional yeast flakes. i have been reading about them and how vegans use them to lend a cheesy flavour to things. plus you can make fake cheese sauce, mac & cheese, etc. i have to say that what i made looked more like a mustard gravy than kd, but it sure did taste like cheese!!! just a couple of adjustments i think i have to make. why do so many veg dishes have weird aftertastes? ok, just the ones involving soy. and that's a soy aftertaste.
u/v
sigh.
2 things i don't understand:
1) the absentee ballots: do they start counting them before election day? if they don't, couldn't they? i mean, if they can keep things like the oscar winners secret, surely security for the absentee ballots really shouldn't be that much of a problem.
2) people complain about bush. they complain about the war he led them into. they think he's doing a crap job with the economy, with the war on the concept of terror, with whatever you choose to name. and yet, i look at the electoral map and i see so much red. i don't get it.
on the recipe front, i finally got up the courage to buy some nutritional yeast flakes. i have been reading about them and how vegans use them to lend a cheesy flavour to things. plus you can make fake cheese sauce, mac & cheese, etc. i have to say that what i made looked more like a mustard gravy than kd, but it sure did taste like cheese!!! just a couple of adjustments i think i have to make. why do so many veg dishes have weird aftertastes? ok, just the ones involving soy. and that's a soy aftertaste.
u/v
glen or glenda?
i almost forgot...
it turns out that Smudge is not a girl at all.
Smudge is a BOY!!!
this is difficult to adjust to in my mind. j points out that he will be easier and cheaper to get fixed, which is true. his parents are picking the kitten up today, and will keep him at least until we both get back from the weekend.
a boy!
u/v
Billionaires For Bush
Billionaires For Bush
Has anyone else seen this? I saw a video on them last night and almost wet my pants I was laughing so hard. They are so brilliant, I wish I had seen them sooner. I would have started up a chapter here. There's even a Billionaires' Chapter in Seoul, Korea!
I cannot wait until the polls close. I have the day off. I am doing laundry and writing today. And packing to go to Vancouver thursday morning.
Eastern state polls start closing at 5pm MT....
Gonna make some popcorn.
In other news, J asked me if his DC Encyclopedia of Comic Characters or whatever it's called arrives, could I please walk to the post office and get it? sigh. it's cold out.
u/v
Has anyone else seen this? I saw a video on them last night and almost wet my pants I was laughing so hard. They are so brilliant, I wish I had seen them sooner. I would have started up a chapter here. There's even a Billionaires' Chapter in Seoul, Korea!
I cannot wait until the polls close. I have the day off. I am doing laundry and writing today. And packing to go to Vancouver thursday morning.
Eastern state polls start closing at 5pm MT....
Gonna make some popcorn.
In other news, J asked me if his DC Encyclopedia of Comic Characters or whatever it's called arrives, could I please walk to the post office and get it? sigh. it's cold out.
u/v
Saturday, October 30, 2004
conquering the dutch
yes, it's finally happened. v at the Big House's request for a copy of the VermeerPlay has finally caused me to drag out the many volumes of drafts and notes and sit down to try and put a clean copy onto the hard drive of my computer. (the previous copy was erased in the horrible not-to-be-spoken-of Demagnetization2002) and needless to say i was procrastinating, even though i had set aside some alone time today, and the ever-soothing Radiohead was playing.
then, i realized that i was afraid of a stack of paper. not to mention a stack of paper that I WROTE. and since i think i'm a loser about 97% of the time, chances are i could very well have been a loser during the time i wrote the stack of paper. so odds are, there wasn't much to be afraid of. all i needed to do was quit waffling over "the best way to approach it" and just type the damn thing and if an idea occurred to me in the moment, then just put it in.
am i done?
no way in hell.
am i 4 scenes in?
you bet!
have i made changes already?
you know it.
will i finish a copy to give to the V-man?
i'm shooting for this week...
in other news...
our cable provider (after responding to my email inquiry that they had no plans to add this channel in the near future) has suddenly added Scream TV to the digital lineup, which i inadvertently discovered while flipping last night. all horror movies all the time? am i there!
and tonight's vegetarian experiment is:Peas, Potato and Eggplant Curry mmmm mmmm curry. Must finish my planned amount of scenes for today and then get to the grocery store to pick up spices.
u/v
Friday, October 29, 2004
as i speak to the pompitous of love...
thanks for the suggestions, one and all...
when it came down to brass tacks, i elected to wear the following:
a black and silver skirt
a black cowboy shirt with red shiny buttons and red butterflies
some shiny silver uh... bobbles? on springs that you wear attached to a headband
the bobbles had long strings of tinsel hanging down from them.
what was i?
a space cowboy.
but some people call me maurice...
u/v
when it came down to brass tacks, i elected to wear the following:
a black and silver skirt
a black cowboy shirt with red shiny buttons and red butterflies
some shiny silver uh... bobbles? on springs that you wear attached to a headband
the bobbles had long strings of tinsel hanging down from them.
what was i?
a space cowboy.
but some people call me maurice...
u/v
Thursday, October 28, 2004
in search of ideas...
if anyone actually still reads this i need some quick ideas for a costume for tomorrow. i believe we are expected to dress up at work. i noticed j has a big red flannel shirt, and my first thought was:
lumberjack vampire?
just a little makeup and we're on our way. does this sound acceptable? anyone else have any ideas?
u/v
lumberjack vampire?
just a little makeup and we're on our way. does this sound acceptable? anyone else have any ideas?
u/v
i make widows cry
i do.
today at work, i informed a recent widow that i would be unable to continue to send the phone bill to her deceased husband, as for legal purposes, we can only bill living people. i did put it in a more sensitive manner, but she became angry and tore a strip off of me and accused me personally of trying to make her life more difficult. i suppose of all the people who behaved like utter dicks to me today, i can sympathize with her.
in other news, i discovered a new subculture/fetish today...
go here but be warned: ye will see the mightiest and lowliest of creatures, put online for your judgement.
to bed now,
u/v
today at work, i informed a recent widow that i would be unable to continue to send the phone bill to her deceased husband, as for legal purposes, we can only bill living people. i did put it in a more sensitive manner, but she became angry and tore a strip off of me and accused me personally of trying to make her life more difficult. i suppose of all the people who behaved like utter dicks to me today, i can sympathize with her.
in other news, i discovered a new subculture/fetish today...
go here but be warned: ye will see the mightiest and lowliest of creatures, put online for your judgement.
to bed now,
u/v
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
a certain someone...
who shall remain nameless (one day i should just name names. or i should assign pictures to everyone i'm talking about. or mathematical symbols. Dr.Matt? is there a mathematical symbol specific enough to represent someone who is so jittery and frustrating and maddening as to be the world's worst caffeine addict and the world's worst pothead at the same time? pi isn't going to cut it, Dr. Matt.)
in any case, not pi suggested a meeting to plan a certain writing competition sponsored by a certain organization on whose board i sit. after which, he was incommunicado. i have a date, and a possible time, which has been agreed upon by other attendees. however, we can't really action anything without not pi, yet we have no idea if he's going to show up tonight.
maddening.
in any case, not pi suggested a meeting to plan a certain writing competition sponsored by a certain organization on whose board i sit. after which, he was incommunicado. i have a date, and a possible time, which has been agreed upon by other attendees. however, we can't really action anything without not pi, yet we have no idea if he's going to show up tonight.
maddening.
Sunday, October 24, 2004
BENRIK LIMITED
BENRIK LIMITED
The new diary is out!
I want it SOOOOO much. I gave Dr. Matt a copy of last year's edition for Christmas, but who knows if he derived any benefit from it?
u/v
The new diary is out!
I want it SOOOOO much. I gave Dr. Matt a copy of last year's edition for Christmas, but who knows if he derived any benefit from it?
u/v
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