No thanks, I'm stuffed...

While searching for a squirrel skull on eBay (don't ask), I was compelled to search for the term "Taxidermy" in all categories. I can't decide whether I would recommend this as a course of action for the curious, or if I would strongly suggest avoiding it in order to preserve what little innocence one may still have regarding disturbing human behaviour. I would not, however, recommend doing as I did, and nonchalantly entering that term into said search engine while blithely eating an apple cinnamon muffin.

Oh, it all starts out innocently enough with mounted butterflies, and those slightly odd waterbug key chains. But sooner then you'd want to, you get into the hardcore stuff. And I'm not talking about jackalopes (see my self-portrait to your left). But yes, people actually mash a deer and a rabbit together to construct these things in an Isle-of-Dr.-Moreau-in-my-rec-room type fantasy. What I'm getting at is the little Jack Russell terriers and Persian kittens lovingly built out of goat fur. Skunk fur. Rabbit fur. PEOPLE ARE MAKING ANIMALS OUT OF OTHER ANIMALS. To me this is far more disturbing than the guy selling his cat's skull online. Like, what do you do with these little darlings when you receive them? All the posts seem to refer to potential buyers' collections. I shudder to thing of Mr. Bennett down the street stealing off to his garden shed by the pale moonlight to be with his army of goat-wrapped cats and dog-filled skunks. The eyes... THE EYES!

I'm sure that taxidermy takes skill. I'm sure that it's even an art to do it well. But then you have my friend below... yes, I'm talking about the AMAZING ARMADILLO.

Isn't it bad enough that this animal has to spend its afterlife above your fireplace, or standing around in your TV room? Bad enough you're probably going to use it as a footrest, or a coffee table, or dress it up for the holidays. Do we have to humiliate the animal completely? I realize that armadilloes may not have a lot of natural dignity to begin with, but still...

I think I may begin drafting my will to have myself stuffed and mounted in this exact position. Sort of a solidarity with abused dead (undead?) armadilloes. My union, their union.

Nuff said.

u/v