The Path of Most Resistance

Well, I realized I didn't post my weight last week. That was probably some kind of subconscious thing-- it was 176. Yikes!
Fortunately, today's weigh-in was better-- 173. I'm on day 12 of the cleanse, and feeling good about what I'm eating. I think I've definitely managed to get out of the eating junk for the sake of eating habit. Then again, I would really like a tofurkey sandwich...

I've been thinking a lot about resistance. I has it. I was reading "The War of Art" (which I recommend to any and all creative people), and he talks a lot about resistance. That which keeps us from doing, which keeps us trapped in wishing we could be doing something.

Yeah, I've got some of that.

I'm a results-oriented person. I'm always thinking about the end result, the performance, the finished project. Even when I'm just starting something. Which is, you know, a lot of pressure. I'm trying to get out of the habit of doing that, but it's hard.

I'm resistant to overcoming my resistance.

I'm a bit of a jealous person. As long as I can remember, I've had this idea in the back of my mind that life is supposed to be fair. Ridiculous, right? But I have a very highly developed sense of justice and fairness. I get jealous of people who are jerks who are successful, who are mean and still get cast, who bitch all the time despite having a show in a major company's season.

I could go on. But I won't, because it feeds the jealousy. And I hate jealousy. It's a useless emotion. It traps you. And "poor me" doesn't get you anywhere, it just keeps you stuck in the past, or some undefined future when you'll get yours. I need to be in the now, working my own thing, on my own path. I have to trust the path I'm on. Hell, I should probably start out by trusting that there is in fact a path.

Otherwise, I will become that thing I loathe: the bitter artist.

But hey, 173!