65 Days...

...and counting. Which is how long I have until it is December, at which point I will be giving notice at my job, after which I will be freeeeeeeeeeeee. Well, either free or begging temp agencies to please let me answer someone's phones before I starve to death.

Time is moving slowly on that front. What I really want to tell some of my colleagues is "If you'd just stop your dickish behaviour, everyone's job would be a lot easier". But I think calling people "dickish" is frowned upon, at least when you do it to their faces.

I was thinking about Facebook today (get it? Faces--Facebook?)and how in some cases it's given me a chance to resolve situations (like when I apologized to someone I'd had a major falling out with in high school, and it still bothered me all these years later), and in other cases it offers a chance to perpetuate dysfunctional, self-esteem-crushing relationships (coincidentally, also a person from high school). I'm sure in days gone by you would just never see those people again, but now they can always find you.

I mean, technically, I could always find them as well, but it seems creepier if they're looking for me.

Sweet Ford above, I cannot wait until it's 50something days left.

One of Those Days

So today I happen to be at work with a vicious red wine hangover--it's been so long since I was seriously hungover at work that I forgot how terrible it is, and how very, very old I feel. I went out with some old friends from work--a combination of folks who have gotten out of this place, and folks who are still here, but with plans to go. It was fantastic... except for dragging myself out of bed this morning.

The day before yesterday, I was feeling quite sorry for myself, because I lost a gig. That is, I got unasked to do a gig. That is, I got unasked by not being asked to do a gig I had previously been asked to do. Totally clear, right? Ugh. It was one of those moments where I thought "CAN NOTHING EVER BE EASY? MUST EVERYTHING ALWAYS BE THE HARD WAY?"

Apparently, the answer to that is... yes.

Did I mention I'm doing a junk food-free September? Because I was eating a little too much deliciousness and figured it might be impacting my ability to lose weight. Of course, I decided to do that just in time to get prescribed a long-term medication that is RENOWNED FOR WEIGHT GAIN. So despite eating better and running, I have been gaining weight, little by little. I have resolved to continue trying.

Now that all my various grant applications are behind me, I can start working on the next draft of my play. Onwards and upwards...

The Spreadsheet of Rejection

Ladies and gentlemen, the McConaughey approach to office interaction is working well so far... even today I've thought to myself WWMMCD? And the answer is, as always... all right, all right, all riiiiiiiiight.

So I have this spreadsheet. It's meant to be a spreadsheet where I keep track of where I've submitted what script, and what the response/followup has been. But lately, it's become the Spreadsheet of Rejection. And it's getting a little discouraging, what with the "no response 1 year, assume rejected" and "no response to followup, assume rejected" and the "form rejection". I was joking about it to one of my friends, and she said "That's horrible! Why would you do that to yourself?"

Well, I do it to myself to remember where I've sent a play... I didn't intend for it to turn out so depressing! But it has turned out a little depressing, hasn't it, friends? I'm trying to think of some things I want to do that have no bearing on whether or not someone likes my work, just things that would be fun. And so far I've come up with:

Take an improv class.
Take a dance class.
Get published in McSweeney's online.

OK, the last one has a little bit to do with someone liking my work. But it would be work other than a play, which seems to be the thing no one is liking at the moment. The improv and dance classes scare the crap out of me, because I'm (a) a control freak and (b)completely uncoordinated and self-conscious. So I have to be careful not to make them "this thing I'm going to do", and instead make them "This thing I'm doing."

I'll try and think of some other things, some of which will hopefully be less frightening.

Until then, may you be all right all right all riiiiiight.

Saturday and the McConaughey Office Theory

I've been oh-so-terribly busy lately--my one remaining supervisor colleague has gone on stress leave, so I get to be the head honcho at work now. I'm working ALL the time, and I miss having the occasional afternoon off. But I'm going to try and stick it out until December, and then I will be free, free, free.

Last time I wrote, I'd been working on a grant. Now I'm working on another grant: I just found out that I've been accepted to a really cool month-long program in another city next May, just in time to make a grant deadline... once I finally get done writing applications and grants, I can get started on the new play draft for the reading in October.

I've also started running again--2 runs in to the Couch to 5K. I'm assuming that eventually I won't feel like I'm going to die, right?

There's not too much more to update--all I do is work.Essentially I am just out of fucks to give... I'm going to do my best to get all the work done and keep the department running, but in the last three months I've seen two other people get so burned out they had to leave without notice. I've been thinking that I should put a picture of Matthew McConaughey at my desk, to remind me that my new attitude is "all right, all right, all right". Seriously, it's not worth it to my mental health to get into a Kobayashi Maru situation. And if I've learned anything about my workplace, it's that people spend a ton of time arguing about things that would never get done anyway, even if they immediately said yes.

Does that sound terrible? It's not that I don't care--I am still doing a good job. But I also care about not burning myself out for the sake of a toxic organization that tolerates shitty behavior from some of its employees.

All right, all right, all right, people. That's my strategy until December.