some thoughts on why we do what we do

i'm doing a show right now. well, not right now, right now i'm at home lazing around and resting up the old spine to do a show tonight. our first since saturday night, so it may be a bumpy ride.
the show might gently be described as "a broad comedy", and as such, i predicted early on that "theatre people" wouldn't dig it that much. or wouldn't want to admit it, anyway. no lessons to be learned, no deep pondering on the meta-ness of existence. or any of those things that we sometimes think that theatre is supposed to bring us to. really, it's just funny and goofy and a little original. entertainment.
opening night-- two of the glitterati of our theatre community came out for opening. i was fascinated talking to them after. the he, (a comic book fan) i think generally got what we were trying to do. the she, well, it was strange. she said with completely sincere insincerity "oh, good work." except i'm pretty sure she didn't like it at all. and she knew i knew she didn't like it. yet we were talking in the regular code that you probably don't want to get me started on.
in any case, we've gotten some good reviews, great exposure on cbc, since peter b. apparently loved the show... he interviewed us yesterday, and they're probably going to play the scene we did for them a few more times this week. which hopefully will boost ticket sales.
and we've been averaging really good houses. for an independent production right after christmas, we're doing great houses. i'm beginning to have hope that we'll come close to breaking even with this one. so "regular people", if you'll pardon the expression, genuinely like the show. "theatre people" sometimes seem to think they're too good for it. so what's more important? is it peer recognition? because don't i spend plenty of time complaining about how we all sit around patting each other on the back constantly? am i a hypocrite because i still want to be part of the in crowd?
or isn't general public recognition, dollars-and-sense-bums-in-seats recongnition most important? i mean, the people in the audience are people that i have no idea who they are. isn't that the greatest? people i don't know and have no connection to are paying money to see us.
sadly, none of those people will buy us drinks at the bar.
yet.

what the?

hey! it's 2008! and i'm updating my blog!
it will be a brief update, since i am at work and there is much filing to attend to.
Amaze-o-nauts previewed last night, which means opening tonight. I think we've really reached the point of media saturation, with articles in all four papers, and a few different mentions on CBC. So all that remains to be seen is whether or not people will come to the show. I sincerely hope that at least 275 people come and pay me their money, as that way we can pay everyone we owe money to. And perhaps even pay some of the people who worked on it.
At this point, I am pretty exhausted. To say nothing of the sore throat and earache I woke up with this morning, which I'm sure will develop into absolutely nothing. I was looking forward to going home at noon and having a nap before the show, but then realized that I have to do the programs. And by "do the programs", I mean I have to figure out how to lay out the programs to print properly, then email it to the printer, go there before they close, and fold programs for the last hour leading up to my call.
It's always at opening that I get so ridiculously nervous as to be wondering "Why do I do this?" and, more commonly "What are my lines?"
Hopefully tonight goes smoothly. This afternoon I will curl up on the couch and watch my stories as I whip out a program. Then tomorrow (my day off), I am going to the gym and buying lots of vegetarian food. Good Lord, I am craving vegetables. No voice lesson tomorrow, which is probably for the best. And then, once I get through Saturday's 2 show day, I have two glorious days off from the show, which I think has not happened since... October?
Wishing myself a big merde!
c